Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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