The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
