Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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