I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
