I showed him my bush... on skype.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Who died my cat blue again?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
