cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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