Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
