Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
