it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
