I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
