I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just google imaged poop.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
