im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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