The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have tasted many bathrooms
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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