Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
