Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize