Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
