My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
why is half of my head shaved?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
