Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
