i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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