On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
