it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
