My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
