I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
