So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize