im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize