6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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