At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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