glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
