So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
