I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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