Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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