I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
