I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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