I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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