so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
