So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
