So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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