Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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