After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
MIDGETS
????
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
