are you so shy because you have an std?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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