If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
