You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
