Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
What changed your mind?
Being sober
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
