Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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