Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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