Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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