It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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