You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
