You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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