Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize