shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
