Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
