Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
