bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
