If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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