do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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