is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
