It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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