She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
