Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
