I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My nipple is on Facebook.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
