You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
