he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
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