i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
