you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
