I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm getting married
To pizza
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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