Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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