why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
