I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
