Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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